What does it feel like?

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What does it feel like to be normal, can someone please tell me? When I look back to all the times I thought I knew, all the decisions I made in pseudo-normal state. What was I thinking? I don't know if anything I've done has been right. I've messed up so much, messed up everything. These poor children, deserve so much more than what they have. A crazy mom, a selfish dad. What can I possibly do for them? I scream and yell, fighting to the end. They need something better, deserve something so much better. What is the magic pill? Where is the group that will change my life? Can I learn to change this? Can the doctor make it go away? Can I read my way to a better life? There has to be more, has to be something better. This has to end.